This is a question I used to ask myself. At first, I wanted to see a female therapist. I thought they might understand me better since I’m also female, and I’d feel more comfortable talking to them.
But as I learned more about what therapy is and how it can help, I started thinking about what it might be like to see a male therapist instead. Growing up without a father, I had many ideas about what that male figure could have been like in my life. I think his absence made me feel unsure and awkward around men.
When I tried therapy with a male therapist, I remember feeling like he was cold and distant. I missed the warmth I had felt with my female therapists. Because of this, I didn’t continue with him, and we never got to explore why I felt this way.
The negative experiences I’ve had with male figures in my life undoubtedly shaped the way I viewed that therapist. But if I had given the therapeutic relationship more time to build trust, I might have started to challenge and reshape some of my concepts about men. Therapy often provides a safe space to work through unresolved feelings or assumptions, and I wonder what healing could have come from sticking with that process.
What I’ve Learned
Therapists, whether male or female, are there to listen and help without judging. It’s natural to want a therapist who feels easy to talk to. But sometimes, stepping outside your comfort zone can help you grow.
For me, working with a male therapist might have been a way to address some of the unresolved emotions and beliefs tied to my father’s absence. It could have allowed me to build a new kind of relationship, one that challenged old patterns and helped me see men in a more balanced light.
Choosing a Therapist
When deciding on a therapist, ask yourself:
- Who do I feel most comfortable with right now?
- Is there something I want to explore that might be influenced by their gender?
- Am I open to trying something that might feel a little uncomfortable at first?
There’s no right or wrong answer. The most important thing is finding someone you trust and feel safe with.
If I could go back, I’d tell myself to give the male therapist more time. Sometimes, the hardest things to face can lead to the biggest changes.